Achoo!

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body”. --Elizabeth Stone


I’ve read this quote before but it has never felt more true than the last two weeks. Unfortunately, Cora’s been sick for the past 10 days or so. It started out as a runny nose and resulted in several secondary infections. She’s been such a trooper though. She’s never complained. Not once. I took her to the doctor because her eyes were filled with goop only to discover that she had other things going on too—ear infection, upper respiratory infection, and pink eye. There is nothing more heart wrenching than having a sick baby. I’ve felt totally helpless and must make a point to by stock in Kleenex.

Couple that with taking my first overnight, out-of-town business trip since Cora’s birth, and you have a total basket case on your hands. For three days and two nights, I felt completely preoccupied with thoughts about what Cora was doing. Sure I enjoyed having a hotel room to myself and uninterrupted sleep, but I felt lost without my little one in tow. I had every confidence that she was in good hands, but it’s a strange feeling to be without your child. I will never comprehend how someone could choose to separate themselves from his or her child and not be a part of his or her life. I miss her when I am at work and when she is down for the night. I have to fight the urge to go into her nursery, pick her up from her crib, and hold her because I realize that we both need sleep. Nevertheless, I count down the hours until she wakes up with that HUGE grin on her face. Daniel and I race into her room each morning to see whose eyes hers will catch first and will be the recipient of her toothless smile.

The plus side of Cora not feeling well is that our active baby has become so much more snuggly. She’s content being held and just resting her little, snot-filled head on your chest. She’ll gaze into your eyes and gently place her hand on your mouth, nose, or eyes and explore the contours of your face with her teeny-tiny fingers. As a result, each of us who care for her has gotten her “bug”, but it’s hard to complain when she hasn’t. Plus, I’m so happy to be home and get to hold that squishy little baby body in my arms!
Through these experiences of Cora being sick and me being away for a few nights, I’ve realized that my heart will forever be outside of my body. Yet it’s hard not to feel like a sweepstakes winner. As I celebrate my birthday, I’m so thankful for my family and friends, and especially for my little girl who is on the mend. She is my heart, and I cannot imagine life without her.